More Shit My Dad Says

Author: Justin Halpern
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
ISBN: 1447248953
Size: 79.70 MB
Format: PDF
View: 1366
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‘Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a sh*tload scarier’ Sam Halpern Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to take the plunge and propose to his then girlfriend. But before doing so, he asked his dad's advice, which was very, very simple (and surprisingly clean): 'Just take a day to think about it.' This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, a toe-curlingly honest pilgrim’s progress of teenage relationships, sex and love by one of the funniest writers at work today. Sh*t people say about Justin Halpern: ‘Ridiculously hilarious’ Chelsea Handler ‘Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny’ Maxim ‘Funny, silly, honest, lively and fresh’ Sunday Times

Sh T My Dad Says

Author: Justin Halpern
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062002945
Size: 11.94 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
View: 425
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“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.

My Dad Says

Author: Justin Halpern
Publisher: It Books
ISBN: 9780062067289
Size: 55.60 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
View: 7214
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After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him: "That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them." "Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking." "The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two." More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

Shit My Dad Says

Author: Justin Halpern
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
ISBN: 9780752227405
Size: 40.77 MB
Format: PDF
View: 202
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'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…' Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of shit he says… ‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.’ ‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’ ‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’ ‘The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’ ‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’

I Suck At Girls

Author: Justin Halpern
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062113380
Size: 67.11 MB
Format: PDF, Docs
View: 3608
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From the #1 New York Times bestseller author of Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern, comes a laugh-out-loud funny and deeply touching collection of personal stories about relationships with the opposite sex, from a first kiss to getting engaged and all the awkward moments in between. With Sh*t My Dad Says, Halpern brought his brand of talented comedic writing to the world. Now, with this equally poignant, hilarious, and provocative memoir, he establishes himself as one of popular writing’s great humorists among the likes of David Sedaris, Sarah Vowell, and David Rakoff. Fans of biting, honor-infused memoirs such as Me Talk Pretty One Day and Assassination Vacation will find Halpern’s I Suck at Girls an unforgettable journey into the best and worst moments of one man’s adventures in romance.

Sh T Girls Say

Author: Kyle Humphrey
Publisher: Harlequin
ISBN: 1459249992
Size: 73.66 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
View: 4696
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"I've said 90% of the things on Sh*t Girls Say." -Every Girl Ever "It's the new best thing. It may be our new favorite thing." —Perez Hilton "In the age of quinoa gluten-free iced coffee sashimi hot yoga, thank God we have the 'girls' to keep sh*t real. But don't tell them I said that. They'll just totally pretend they said it. They're so jealous of me." —Stacy London, What Not to Wear "This book on my bedside table makes me look like a reader." —Ali Adler, cocreator of Glee "As a girl who says a lot of sh*t, I can honestly say I die for this book." —Abby Elliott, Saturday Night Live cast member Read Excerpt

Assholes Finish First

Author: Tucker Max
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1439198691
Size: 62.20 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
View: 5916
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Presents a new collection of alcohol-induced "fratire" adventures in hedonism that convey the author's experiences of being intoxicated at inappropriate times, seducing a large number of women, and otherwise living in complete disregard of social norms.

Honey Badger Don T Care

Author: Randall
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1449419623
Size: 66.56 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
View: 943
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Never before has wildlife narration been this bold and this hilarious. More than 40 million people have viewed Randall’s honey badger video, “The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger.” “It has no regard for anyone or anything—it just takes what it wants! What a little badass!” When viewing wildlife footage, who hasn’t thought at times, “Ewww! What the hell is that?!” Randall thinks it — and says so! In Honey Badger Don’t Care, Randall examines and humorously informs on a dozen crazy, nasty animals of the wild kingdom employing his unique style of telling it like it is! His wildlife writing is refreshingly honest. If an animal scares Randall, he’s not afraid to share. Unlike most nature writers, Randall doesn’t deliver the sugarcoated or drab description. He “goes there” and shares his true feelings with his audience. Because of this, his readers feel that they can relate. Randall loves animals—even the ones that terrify him. He may not agree with how these animals conduct themselves in the world, but Randall wants everyone to know who they are. Just as he introduced the world to the honey badger, the Jesus lizard, and others, so will Randall shed light on twelve bizarre and interesting animals. Designed with callouts, sidebars, and more than fifty photos, Honey Badger Don’t Care presents a wildlife book for adults—hilarious, irreverent, profane, yet charming, chatty, and informative. Don’t be stupid—buy this book!

Sh T My President Says The Illustrated Tweets Of Donald J Trump

Author: Shannon Wheeler
Publisher: Top Shelf Productions
ISBN: 168406287X
Size: 11.79 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
View: 4544
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Some people are saying, I don’t know, you tell me, but a lot of people are saying this is the greatest book of the year. This guy, Shannon Wheeler, he draws these cartoons for the New Yorker, MAD, the Onion—he’s very, very, good, okay? Now he’s illustrated the most incredible tweets. Wow! You won’t believe what he does with these tweets. I mean, these tweets changed the world, folks. It’s true! It’s very true. EVERYONE is going to want this book — even the haters and losers (Sad!).

How May We Hate You

Author: Anna Drezen
Publisher: Potter Style
ISBN: 055344834X
Size: 29.53 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
View: 162
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"Find out what really goes on in the world of hospitality with this hilarious book full of funny and absurd stories, anecdotes told in dialogue, factoids, and satirical pop quizzes by two veteran concierges who paid their way while working at a combined 50 hotels in and around Times Square."--Back cover.